when the ship of my life 

got indulged 

In the waves of the sea

so harsh and cold !

I spread a sail …in a silent sway

I held the wheel... closed my eyes and pray

" you're just like your father "

rang a bell in my ear

a childish scream,,.that u couldn't hear 

a warm hand…

burying my worries in the sand

drowning my fear

It was in the middle of the alley 

wet , grey, flying papers of yesterday

screams of awe …shaking my legs

laughter and scoff  ...forcing me to beg

a child with scars 

all over her face 

failing to play

I lost my way…!

as my days passed by 

too busy to allow me to cry

I found my self on the edge 

with no choice but to glide

 deaf the petty and speak the  pride

and when I did !

I heard an applause

I turned around… .looking at the crowd

I saw a pale rose that I've always found

they were all proud

where is he ?

Tones of empty eyes looked at the ground

I know you care 

cause when u see me.. you smile

I know it's hard for you to smile

Thank you!

I know you care

cause  u dare !

to throw a hidden drop of affection

to warm my hollow heart..

when u look at me in the eye

trying to fix my lost sight

Thank you

for killing the laughs

with them your share

once u see her passing by 

with all her stare 

at the ultimate unfair

it tells you care…

............

Is it sorrowful to see you

secretly gasping a sigh? 

or is it sorrowful that u don't even try

to mend the broken tie ?

I grew up with a lie… and I'm always willing to deny

That my mask is in my hand…and my soul needs a place to land

you don't have to stay,, just show me my way 

" you're just like your father"

Is a melody for once u sing..so if I'm like u my king

don't worry about me .. 

move on with luck …and let me sail…

For my ship won't wait !  

just Pray for me ..

to sweep the pain

and embrace my fate !

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like a puppet on strings

dancing on the beat of mock 

you drag my feet to follow ur swings

and smash my mouth when I try to talk

u kept flipping me like a coin  

a coin that's got double sides 

one that loved u to death 

and one that won't buy the lies

I was standing in a line of toys.. waiting their turn

and once ur entertained..they crash and burn 

I was a pathetic proof ..that there's a soul that need a roof

and the roof was you  

my show was over..

and I'v been hanged against the mirror 

staring at my reflection..I'm growing thinner 

all used ,bruised ..emotionally abused

my sin was written on the wall 

 it says " you believed for once ,,your souls.. 

were purely fused"

you put my tortured picture in a frame of scorn

blurred my features..hated on the day I was born

you attached my limbs into strings

called vows 

and under the name of sincerity

my dignity shall bows

 you turned my alive spirit ..into a silent doll 

my eyes were plastic buttons..and my mouth was an empty hole

Oh puppets Master !

let me walk out of this door 

I'm not all wooden..I'v got a heart ..and u made it sore

  it's time for me to quit this role

hand you the costume you made me

 and take back my soul...

enjoy ur dead theater..the selfish echo inside ur core

and let me feel alive..
let me be Me 
once more ,, 

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the Sound of the Sea ..was dragging me ..pulling me out of this living-dead world..

stripping out my fake identity..the one that ppl made for me ,,washing away the seal printed on my  forehead..setting my thoughts free..i can almost see my soul bare floating between the waves , so light and so happy,,,,the slaps of the waves tickled my nose and slightly burned my eyes, but I just loved it !

 I always thought the sea is so much like me..the tides are the rise and fall of my emotions..my passion and my rage..my stress and my calmness..my transparence and my occasional mystery..

maybe that's why i can be myself in water more than anywhere else..it would take you in ..no matter where you came from,,wash you off ,,and make you feel cleansed and pure,,maybe cause it's deep enough to understand the nature of existence..  

the good and the bad , joy and torture,,the grace and the curse..life and death, lots of stories were drowned in the sea,,probably that's why it resembles wisedom..

I think this was written in my subconscious before my hands did..when me and my sister couldn't resist the beauty of the sea .lost control and threw ourselves in water with our clothes on,,and then we ran to the kids' swings and kept swaying to dry our clothes

we talked  about when we were kids and when our father used to take us to the sea..we  reminisced the old days ..and laughed our heart out..It was truly one memorable day that'll be always sketched in my head  .

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As I was six months pregnant .. and as I buried the corpse of my very short-termed senseless marriage, since it was dead from the very beginning 


I realised that there's a big responsibilty that I'm going to handle on my own ..holdon to my faith to stand against the objecting comments on the bless of getting pregnant, and gently prepare myself to the thought of being a single parent.




I started to do my readings..I found myself looking at posts by other single mothers to see what it likes ..different stories .. but there were few threads that linked them together .


they all appreciate and enjoy the grace of motherhood , they all work hard to make their babies healthy and happy ,and they all feel sorry for the biological fathers  for missing out on alot .

but what caught my attention is the fact that they referred to the absent biological fathers as "sperm donors" .

which sounded more than fair to me ,cuz that merely all what they  did ! but donation had always been implanted in our heads as a  positive thought .. donating means giving 

and whether he intended to give away something or whether it was nothing but seeking pleasure..whatever it was !

he somehow did her a favor , and Mind You ! it takes alot to see that !

so for me as a single mom I reached a level of happiness and Satisfaction that I can admit it and take out this gratefulness out his own filth.

it's the least thing he can have in return for being accidently part of it ..since poor him ! 

and males like him are definitely missing out on alot ! ..not to mention the fact that he is generous enough or maybe pathetic to give up on his own share of this tremendous Godly gift and let me have it all .

it's just like giving up on a life-time job and retiring just cuz u have some sparkling fake coins in ur pocket..how smart does that sound ? 

and NOW im the one who get to hold this soft lil hand while I sleep ..and im the one who get to see that innocent smile and thankful glowing eyes on that pretty face..and im the one who work to provide her with what she needs..im doing it all ..im supporting her emotionally and financially 

and -All Thanks To Allah-that gives me so much power..and make me sleep with a smile of contentment on my face : )

That's why I'm grateful  to a male ..and sorry for not using a Man ..cuz a Man is "a male who uses his brain "..Best wishes to every male out there,This is a letter from a single mom 

you're not all crappy, cuz at least 

you made a girl

become a mom and be happy ; ) " . 

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The photo of this little girl trying to wear lipstick as ladies do  inspired me to write simple words about  the inner conflict some great women might experience everynow and then .. & thanks in advance for reading : )

..........

look at me !

do I look like her 

an absolute female

pretty vain with no brain

yet she win it ..with a lipstick stain 

u think I lost it ?

I spend my day holding my pen 

I draw thoughts ..she draw her lashes

her charming eye makes her dream 

while my papers turn into ashes

I shed a tear on ppl suffers..she feels bad when her nail peels  

I think of  world peace for twenty four hours  ..she learn how to dance on high heels 

should I be me ..should I be her

I do love me.. but it's unfair !

her emptiness is breaking hearts 

my deep insight got me no where ..

this hollow beauty is what they seek

those shallow dolls are on the peak 

for those who love me I apologize 

it's all about good shape and size 

I'll end up following  this damn streak

I'v got no choice !

I'll through my glasses on the floor 

I'll leave my deep thoughts behind the door

I'll hang my old me on the wall

spare me those lipstick 

I will be her !

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